Atonement 0.5

"Maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves."
-Chuck Palahniuk

Chapter 1:
We Live In Over-Stimulated Times

Imprisoned. Imprisoned until a proper punishment for all of the bloodshed, havoc and villainy he committed would be seen as justified. When he stood before his peers and beside his brother all he did was glare. He never once let a word slip through his lips to either defend or damn himself. He merely stood in a calm silence. That was all the surface of his being told all else. What they failed to see was the hatred boiling inside which he ever so calmly hid. His mind was chaotic and uncharacteristic, never focusing on one subject alone. Thoughts of revenge, murder, hate and not necessarily towards others raced through his mind. The occasional wandering thought of what kind of punishment he would have to endure sparked but for mere seconds. As youths he and his so called brother endured punishments for misdeeds and disobedience but it never prolonged the actual stated sentence and as furious as the All-Father was his declared punishments were watered down simply because they were his children.

There was also a distraction that burned him whenever he heard it. The word “son” was spat out and it was not towards the man next to him who refused to leave his side for reasons beyond his comprehension. He failed to understand why he was still referred to as “son” even after All-Father confessed. It plagued and burned him. He wanted nothing with these people.

All-Father’s voice shook the halls, his facial expressions shifting, his right hand firmly holding Grungnir as he pointed it at him. Around the All-Father and surrounding the great golden hall was a sea of people looking at him; faces expressing utter disappointment, others not looking as surprised as if they had expected this from him. He was used to all looking down at him in such a manner yet even he had to admit it pained him. He snapped his gaze away as bitter childhood memories began to crawl in his mind and rather than look weak he preferred to glare and instill fear in others. He finally laid eyes on his brother whose tremendous frame seemed somewhat smaller due to his skulking as if he was the one All-Father was addressing. His eyes gazed the floor as his head dropped. A great and powerful man reduced to a small child being scolded.

At some point his adoptive father’s words, the murmuring from all others and his adoptive mother’s weeping all seemed to blur into an unintelligible echo. Accusation after accusation was mounted and he shrugged them off as if he had merely stolen a trinket until All-Father approached him and ever so gently placed his enormous hand on his cheek and in a soft spoken manner delivered his final words.

“Needless bloodshed of the innocent is a crime, my son, and you have shed plenty. You also transpired to shed your own. A most foul and unspeakable crime and for attempting to end your own life as well you will be punished.” Loki could feel as Thor shifted beside him as All-Father laid down his last accusation, a tiny gasp was heard and Loki looked up to see his mother covering her mouth while her wide eyed face became pale at the sudden revelation of this last accusation. It was clear to him that his “death” had been altered to protect her from the real details and to this he felt a sense of shame and guilt if only slightly and briefly.

The royal guards removed him from the hall and as he spun he could see Thor slightly shaking his head and Odin leaning his frame on the golden spear and lowering his head. Was it shame? Was it disappointment? He cared not.


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Loki spent the better part of his nights and days sitting on the floor of his cell leaning against the farthest wall. He had picked a corner underneath the wide window, which he found was a cruel joke. To lay eyes on the world before him yet not able to touch or participate in it. It was also a laughable fact that he knew for certain he had been placed in the biggest cell they had, with an actual bed and not a stack of hay and the wall had a wide enough window to look outside but not big enough for anyone to slither through. Of course it would have been foolish to think the glass door would be so easily broken. Even in prison royalty was treated as royalty. There was also the matter of the cell having been enchanted to drastically water down his ability to use magic. Magic to dissolve magic. He found it oddly obscene but gave it little thought.

After the first seventy-three hours of incarceration he grew tired of looking at the same guards who so loyally kept a close watch on Loki as if All-Father knew he would attempt something. Oh, how well he knew of his mischievous son.

Surprisingly enough he heard heavy footsteps quickly making their way towards his cell and even before he saw the person in question he already knew who it was.

“Leave us!” Those were the only words that echoed that hall ever since he came to the cell. The guards obeyed without question and the mighty Thor stood in front of the door, heaving and heavy breathes escaping his nose. A perplexed look was present upon his face as he stared down at Loki.

“Something…plagues you, dear brother?” The emphasis on the word brother bore a certain venom to it but Thor decided to pay no attention to it. He knew this task of confronting his brother would be taxing and he knew he would have to endure taunts, even if they stung.

Thor inhaled and in a quick motion opened the glass door and entered stopping in the middle of the cell. All was quiet between the two brothers save for the sound of the glass door closing behind Thor. After what seemed like an eternity Thor finally spoke up. It was, Loki guessed, due to his oafish brother trying to gather his thoughts and organizing what Loki referred to as his small brain.

“I have spent many hours contemplating your actions both here and on Midgard. I need to understand—why, brother?”

“Your mortals are safe as can be and I am sure they are rebuilding even as we speak, they have nothing to fear from the big, bad wolf as he now sits before you in a cell.” Loki said in a dry tone as he pointed at Thor.

Thor took a step forward; there was a pained look on his face. “And what of your actions on the Bifrost?”

“What of them?” To that question in particular he raised a bit of concern and curiosity. He often wondered what became of the Frost Giants—or the survivors.

“Why would you do that to us? Why would you think that was the absolute answer?!” Thor was now pacing from side to side, moving his arms and flailing them as if trying desperately to show his brother how distraught he was about the subject. Loki on the other hand remained still safe for his eyes which traced every single movement Thor made.

“I already told you. To make a point to Odin and if by annihilating every last Frost Giant it would be taken then it—”

“How could you dare think to have loosened your grip on Father’s spear?!” Thor yelled. He yelled because yelling was the only way he would be able to say what he needed to say.

“Oh…” Loki was taken by surprise at the question. That seemed to be rare for him nowadays. “That action. Spare me the theatrics, Thor. It is not as if you or any of them really would have noticed my absence—”

“We did, Loki, we noticed and we felt it!” Thor’s voice trembled as he looked into his brother’s green eyes, searching for something. The gaze was broken when Loki closed his eyes, scuffed and looked away.

“Please…” Loki hissed under his breath. He had to admit that the last thing he remembered and heard before being consumed by the darkness was Thor screaming and a look of terror plastered over his face. He also remembered Odin’s indifferent expression, maybe slightly pained but otherwise indifferent. As if he merely lost a pet. Remembering only brought about a feeling he wished to bury as he did with every feeling of that nature and shrouded it with hate.

“I could believe such behavior from you and from Mother but as I fell I distinctly remember you trying to reach out to try and catch me but all Father did was stare. You looked horrified; I had never seen such a look wash over your face, but Father? Oh, the same cold, distant stare he always bestowed upon me.”

Thor stopped moving, he traced back, as far back, as he could to remember the interactions between them and he not once found such a gaze settled upon Loki. In his mind he and Loki were treated evenly. They were certainly different in certain fields but none of it struck Thor as something to cause their father to treat Loki with less affection and love. He bent over, grabbed his brother by the shoulders and lifted him up to look him straight in the eyes. In a soft spoken tone Thor said, “No lies, no tricks from you, only the truth, as painful as it may feel, search back. What happened to make you feel this way?”

Loki narrowed his eyes, a frown upon his face, an almost feral snarl escaping his throat. Signs Thor knew very well and knew to avoid lest he becomes a target but today he had other concerns in his mind and would risk injury just to understand why his brother was plagued by such ill thoughts.

“You look me in the eyes and tell me I was not mocked for not being as strong as you, as gifted in the art of war as you, for not handling a battle ax as well as you. Tell me I was not the subject of jokes after I left the training grounds due to getting beaten down by someone bigger than me or failing to grip a weapon that was too heavy for me. For having to sort to different, less valued methods to learn how to fight. When I took up sorcery instead of a blade did you all not mock and stare and point? You all judged me! Why can you not just admit it?!”

Thor looked puzzled, as he remembered it was all fun and games at the expense of all not just Loki. Even Thor was mocked once or twice after succumbing to Lady Sif’s sword. Volstagg is often ridiculed for his weight and Hogun was often pointed out for his supposed inability to smile. The Warriors Three were often times called out for boasting and exacerbating situations others knew were not true. This puzzled Thor. At some point they all met with the bitter end of a joke at their expense from stories of either training or some failed adventure that proved far too great for them.

“Brother, I—” Loki could see Thor’s eyes searching, they were confused but they were searching and desperately. “Brother, we have all been the center of some sort of joke. It stings the pride at the moment but no one would have done so out of ill will. Why does this vex you so?”

Loki chuckled slightly, not surprised his less intelligent older brother did not understand his point. The sheer insult of having to explain everything in minute simple details was sickening. He never cared for jokes at the expense of his older brother and he had voiced his opinion on the matter. He had hoped Thor would have done the same for him but when his back was turned as he walked out of the training grounds the sound of laughter lashed at him like whips on bare flesh but the one that hurt the most were those of his brother.

“Of course I should not have been surprised that you would not have understood how that affected me.” Loki whispered and for just a moment Thor caught a glimpse of sadness in his younger brother’s eyes. His reaction was the same he had always had when trying to comfort his brother; Thor extended both arms to hug Loki. He could not find the correct words to ease his obvious pain but he could offer the warmth of a hug as he always did. As Thor closed in Loki pushed him back.

“Get…out…” Shaking breaths escaped Loki. Thor, as stubborn as he was, took two steps closer to his brother and before he could take another step Loki raised his right arm and extended his index finger which was glowing in a green aura. His chest began to expand exaggeratingly as he engulfed deep breathes. He was aware of the enchantment placed on the cell but it was second nature for a sorcerer to rely on his magical abilities when faced with a threat. As the magic glowed Loki’s vital signs suffered. His breathing had become erratic and sweat began to pool over his brow, yet he kept his eyes narrowed and feral and planted on Thor.

“Get out or burn where you stand.” Loki repeated.

“You would not—”

Loki interrupted in a snarling voice as he slowly approached Thor and in doing so pushed him back towards the glass door, “Have you not heard, mighty Thor? I ended the lives of innocents and even more disturbingly I was capable of attempting to end my own. What makes you think I will not end yours?”

“Loki—”

“GET OOOOUUUUUUUT!!!” Loki screamed at the top of his lungs as he pinned his brother against the door and in a swift motion planted both fisted hands on either side of Thor’s head hitting the glass door and surely injuring his hands.

Thor received the message. He waited for Loki to take a few steps back and as soon as he did Thor opened the door. After it closed Thor placed a hand on the glass, he gave Loki a saddened gaze and slowly walked away. After he walked away Loki approached the door to make sure Thor left; he had indeed as the guards returned. As they took their places to stand watch Loki planted the top of his head gently on the glass and closed his eyes and slowly dropped to his knees. One arm wrapped around his waist and the other gently placed where Thor had placed his hand.